Saturday, October 14, 2006

We have Rules, you know!

Auntie Dawnie (mama's blogsistah) posted this very accurate list of cat rules - how refreshing that a human acknowledges we have rules!!

DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an “outside” door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

CHAIRS and RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human’s bare foot.

BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything — just sit and stare.

HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called “helping”, otherwise known as “hampering”.

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

PLAY: This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are listed several favorite cat games that you can play. It is important though to maintain one’s Dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say “I MEANT to do that!” It fools those humans every time.

"Catch Mouse": The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!

"King of the Hill": This game must be played with at least one other cat. The more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is Hill 303 which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing theater into account.

WARNING: Playing either of these games to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them.
This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.

This is just the basics. To read the entire list, click here.



Fizzy said...

Meooooow meoooooow purrrrrrrrr purrrrrrrrrr
*translated* I totally agree with you Pandora....I have been studying bed mice for some time now and agree that they are not Human toes... How thick these Humans are!

Derby said...

Wow, we do so have rules. So many for our beans to remember why we do what we do.

BTW, great party last weekend.

Ayla said...

So true, so true. I came very close to snatching a Bed Mouse one time, but that was a long time ago.

Beau Beau & Angie said...

Those am great rules. We stick to all of them.

Sir Sidney and Emperor Nero said...

those are great rools . We are sticking them on the fridge so Mum can see them.

one of us said...

Those a great poodie rules ~Merlin, Shadow, Ko KO

Ariel said...

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If you get the chance please visit my blog.

Rascal said...

What an excellent post!! I haven't stopped by since your excellent party for Luna and so just dropped in to say hello. I'm glad I did.

Mrs. Sniffles said...

Hee hee nice rules! I hope someone makes some for bunnies.